Expatriate Bitching Living

where are? what next?

2008-03-17T20:18:16+01:00

I got a message from a blog reader who is possibly moving to Holland - happy to share my knowledge. Got me thinking - not blogged in an age and felt the urge to update. I kind of stopped doing it as I found it had made me feel so negative - all I did was whinge about what was happening - pretty much didn't have anything good to stay and that kind of made me sad. Anyhow,

Just funny how things happen isn't it. Last Spring I was exhausted from our return from California and the constant uncertainty of what was happening. By April 1 we had taken the decision reluctantly that our only option was to stay here on a local contract for up to 2 years and buy a house. California wasn't going to happen as he worked out too expensive with the dollar the way it was - so glad didn't go now as our home might have burnt down and he'd probably be redundant now! Still would go back though. We considered an expat return to London (meant all costs paid and 6 months rent in a decent house) but he would have had to report to an ex colleague (and friend) and that wasn't at all the reason we had left London in 2002 for that to happen (Pride on both our parts got involved here) and it was clear if he did this then it would be a return and find another job.

So to some degree we took the easy option to have a year of some stability after the uncertainty of 2006 and early 2007.. I tried to find a proper paid job - frustrating. We tried to buy a house - disappointing and horrible at times - we made offers on 4 out of several hundred (if felt like) but missed out on each - didn't want to make a move on a house we didn't want nor get stuck with a property. By summer 2007 I knew we wouldn't find anything that would be ours to move in before October/ December and this would then defeat the object of being here only 2 more years. We managed to confirm renting the home we've lived in for 3 years for another year (at bloody too much and for little fxing service), and I had to put up with taking boy to school at the cost of 3 hours a day for me....still at least he begin to enjoy being there and the trauma of going has subsided!

June/ July 2007 I said tht was it - W had a year, a year of relative stability to get us out of being here - I've had enough and the compromises I would have to make to stay here for another 2 years for his company to possibly offer him a promotion were more than I was willing to make. I've made sacrifices for 5 years (nearly 6 now) and this was it, time for us to make a decision for us as a family.

So where are we - Spring 2008 and my deadline is looming - for the past 6 months I've had him asking why am I telling everyone I'm leaving - it does take him 6 months to catch up to my place in the thinking process (happened when I was pregnant too - 7 months gone and he says I don't want to be a dad - you're now surprised he's actually still alive and I follow hm around aren't you!)

I've gotten nasty and told him thats it me or Holland, that he takes the path of least resistance always, that he's going to hate being on his own. I've offered him the compromise - remain here in an organisation he feels some comfort in, a role that is kind of rewarding and may lead to something that he's worked for for 10 years but me and T are back in the UK. He cannot even contemplate being on his own - that's why I ended up in Cali for a silly amount of time - "I don't want to be alone" says the man who spent 3-4 months of that year (2006) leaving me on my own in a foreign country with a toddler.

I've even compromised with myself and said I can stick it out for another 6 months if I really have to as I don't want to have to decamp to live with my parents till he pulls his finger out and pays for somewhere to live in the UK or makes his mind up.

Anyhow he's actively looking for a role outside and Dubai has been mentioned (without prior discussion with me I hasten to add!) and now work are reshuffling as they dont' want him to leave (he's told them he must get out of Holland as I'm issuing threats) but the offer is still not what we want (4 years ago yes) but it gets us back to the UK with them paying some of costs (no 6 months rent) and then he's probably in a stronger place to find another role. However, everything in the UK has changed - economically especially that we are of course concerned that it could all go tits up after 6 years of relative financial comfort.

Would I do it all again.....? Probably not. Would I move somewhere else....? Probably would! The contradiction of this lifestyle.

However, I'm glad I'm pushing the agenda - my friend recently told me after 10 years following her man around he's dumped her and their 3 kids as he doesn't want a boring life???? At least mine is too frightened to think of leaving me! No seriously I realise what I have with him and he's capable of seeing what I do do for him and have given up. However, its horrific that a lot of expat partners make the sacrifices for the benefit of the partner's career and they hoep for hteir lives as a family overall and the relationship breaks down. It could have happened if she stayed home too but just beig told you're surplus to requirements when your thousands of miles from home stinks.

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